Cloud bread

 Today, for the first time ever, I made some cloud bread, which came out well.

Not only is it the first time I made cloud bread, it's actually the first time in years I made anything from a recipe at all. I don't get past basic ingredients as a general rule.

I expect you already know what cloud bread is, but — in case you don't — it's basically a soufflé. You're meant to cook the mixture in little rounds so it comes out like rolls or biscuits, but I didn't have any liners/baking parchment to go in the air fryer, so I just greased a tin and cooked it in one flattish lump in the tin. That meant it took longer to cook, so I had to turn it over and do the other side for a while, and even then it was still more soft in the middle than it should have been, but I'd made my sausages by then so I just ate it. And it was nice.

I made it because I miss bread a lot — I eat a carnivore diet, no plants, which is gradually healing my gut (slow going though). To my surprise I don't miss vegetables whatsoever; maybe I ate enough of them in the first 60 years to last the rest of my life! I slightly miss fruit, but not as much as I thought I would. But I do miss bread with butter on it ❤️, and to a lesser extent cookies and cake. 

I have tea and coffee. They are plants (obviously) and so they do flame up my gut, but I drink them for specific reasons. Coffee is a sovereign thing for gut motility (mine is spectacularly impaired though it is slowly improving now); and tea halts oxalate dumping. 

Oxalates (I hope you're not bored, you probably know all about this) gradually gather in small armies around your body until the time comes for them to attack (gout, kidney stones etc). All the food I thought was healthy and ate loads of is full of oxalates — spinach, sweet potatoes, quinoa, rhubarb, beetroot, tea — and has been gathering strength in my body waiting to wreak vengeance on its unsuspecting host. The thing with oxalate is it doesn't dissolve (though they do say lemon juice can make it a little less like granite), it just sits there waiting for a chance to get out. Then if your diet changes to being low oxalate, your body in effect says Haha! and starts dumping it. It comes out through your ears, your skin, your eyes, your bladder, your gut, round your teeth — grit, lots of it. If you're unlucky it comes out in kidney stones. As it's very, very gritty — sharp, scratchy — it hurts a lot. And the way to arrest this tsunami of crystals making their exodus is to drink some black tea. 

Carnivore diet (plant-free — what I eat) has absolutely no oxalates in, so changing from an oxalate heavy diet to none at all triggers massive dumping that goes on a very long time — months or years. As this is wearisome and can create health issues of its own, most people who experience it drink a bit of black tea to send their body back to sequestering instead of dumping. That way you can slow it down and make the experience more gentle. Sally Norton is the person who writes about oxalates and health, she published a very informative book about it called Toxic Superfoods.

So mostly I just toss some meat in the air fryer and eat it roasted, or if it's stewing meat I cook it in the slow cooker with some home-made bone broth (I keep back the bones when I roast a chicken and boil them up into broth). But I've been thinking it would be nice to have a change, and I liked the sound of the cloud bread. 

I'm waiting for the Black Friday sales, to get a Ninja Creamie, and then I'm going to make some carnivore ice cream, which is basically just egg yolks added to cream. It sounds rather boring, doesn't it, but a lot of what's nice about ice cream is the texture, plus if you don't eat sugar your palate changes its mind about what tastes sweet.

After that I'm planning to have a go at this recipe. You can't get zero-carb cream powder in the UK, but I found some that has only 3.75% carb, which I think comes within the category of Good Enough.

I went down to the spring to get some more water today, too — we have an iron spring here in the park in Hastings, which has the most fabulous water (though we do filter it in case the water table has smuggled in non-fabulous elements) but the drain had clogged up with leaves so today it was a lake not a spring. Therefore instead I bought mineral water from Asda, but I didn't mind because the Elmhurst Spring (where their water comes from) is in the part of England where all my family — all my ancestors, most of my DNA — came from, what in ancient times was the part of West Yorkshire that was the Kingdom of Elmet. There is a sense of rightness about sometimes drinking the water from there — though obviously I prefer to get it straight from the earth in the place where I live.

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CLOUD BREAD

To make carnivore cloud bread in an air fryer, you will use a three-ingredient mixture of eggs, cream cheese, and a binder like whey protein or crushed pork rinds. The recipe works because cloud bread is naturally grain-free and can be made without the plant-based ingredients sometimes used in keto recipes. 

Ingredients 

• 3 large eggs, separated
• 3 oz (90g) cream cheese, softened
• ½ teaspoon cream of tartar
• Optional seasonings: Pinch of salt, garlic powder, or Italian herbs 

Instructions 

1. Prep the batter. In a clean, dry bowl, beat the egg whites and cream of tartar with an electric mixer until stiff, fluffy peaks form.
2. Combine the ingredients. In a separate bowl, mix the egg yolks and softened cream cheese until smooth. Stir in your chosen binder and seasonings until just combined.
3. Gently fold. Carefully fold the yolk mixture into the stiff egg whites using a spatula. Be careful not to over-mix, as this will deflate the egg whites and prevent the "cloud" texture.
4. Form the bread. Preheat your air fryer to 300°F (150°C). Line your air fryer basket or tray with parchment paper. Scoop the batter into rounds, leaving some space between each one to allow for even cooking.
5. Air fry. Cook the cloud bread for 12 to 15 minutes, or until it is a captivating golden-brown colour.
6. Cool. Remove the cloud bread from the air fryer and allow it to cool slightly before serving. Letting it cool completely will help it set and achieve a more stable texture.