Monday, 31 October 2011

Souling light



Tonight is All Hallows' Eve, and the neighbourhood children have been out and about for their Trick-or-Treat.


Right by our front door we have a green slate slab that Hebe has cut with these words from Philippians 4:
Finally, my family, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.






Just under these words we put out the pumpkin lanterns we had made, each with a shining cross.






Every child who came to our door was met by Fiona's loving-kindness that has a way of making a person feel special - and a handful of sweets  to take away!


We hope that what we celebrated tonight was not ghoulies and ghosties but the example of Jesus in welcoming the little children when they come in hope and expectation; and we remembered His words of rebuke to His disciples who, in the in interest of earnest righteousness, thought it proper to turn the children away.



Wednesday, 26 October 2011

two recommendations

As usual, Leo Babauta is right on the money over at Zen Habits with a wonderful, joyful, spot-on post about parenting here.  I recommend, and wholeheartedly concur with his conclusions.

And, for the married folks among you - especially but not only the older married folks - I have heard about this stuff and having now tried it I say to you: "Yes" is right, get some!  US peeps - you can get it at Amazon.com here.  Run out of ideas for gifts to give a spouse who has everything?  Inside the outer packaging of its box the selection pack contents come in a sweet little red drawstring organza bag.  Best recommendation?  The woman who wrote in to say her husband wants them to sell it in five-gallon pails (!!)

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

An Endless Knot

I have stumbled across a living Endless Knot.

In the ancient Celtic world, and in Buddhist symbolism too, the endless knot is a reminder of the interconnectedness of all life.

Celtic Knots represent the intertwining or interweaving of two souls or spirits in undying love, as well as the mystery of no beginning and no end.  Figures of people and animals interweaving as a knot remind us of the interdependence of all creation.  Two or more strands laced together in an endless knot speak of humanity finding union with God, or of lovers pledging faithfulness.  Circle knots represent eternity and the cycles of life; and triangular knots of the Holy Three (Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit), or of the natural unity of earth, sea and sky.

In Buddhism the Endless knot is a reminder of the connecting of all life in a continuum of cause and effect – ie, what goes around comes around.  It represents simplicity and harmony, the interplay and interaction of opposing forces, like a mammalian circulatory system.  It offers the understanding of oneness as the foundational reality of existence.  It depicts the flowing of time and movement within the greater reality of eternity, and it reminds us of the hidden connections between apparently separate things – our private prayer life and our public professional life, for example.

Because the knot has no end, it also functions as a reminder of divine wisdom and compassion, since they too are ever-flowing and endless and permeate all life.

Well – get this – I have discovered a really truly living Endless Knot!

Early in the Spring I undertook to be the secretary of our PCC (church council) at St John the Evangelist.  I thought I could do this okay, as I am familiar with the same layer of governing structures in the Methodist Church, and have been the Chair of the Church council in several Methodist Chapels during the years when I was a minister.

In the Methodist system, this is what happens.  Twice a year the Church Council meets.  At one of these meetings (so, annually) reports are received from the various groups within the church.  The secretary to the meeting takes notes and writes them up in the minute book, reading them out at the next meeting to be approved.  If any group fails to send in a report, the secretary would minute ‘no report’.  I thought it would be the same in the Church of England.  Hahahahaha no.

This is what happens.  Let me run you through from my first meeting.

23rd May we had a Standing Committee.  My job was to create and circulate its agenda, take notes and create minutes from them and circulate these to its members have first submitted them to our rector (the Chair of the Standing Cttee and the PCC) for his approval.  The Standing Committee exists to prepare for the PCC, and is therefore a sub-committee of the PCC, drawing up the agenda and making sure all aspects of church life are in suitably pre-digested form for the PCC to assimilate in 2 hours or less. 

So in a plastic wallet folder in the big file I then stash the minutes of the Standing Cttee,  on (say) the 24th May.

I have to send out the papers and agenda for the PCC about 7-10 days in advance, so I did that on May 27th or so.

6th June we had the PCC meeting for which the Standing Cttee had prepared, using the agenda that I created and circulated on May 27thish from the notes I made at the Standing Cttee on 23rd May, and the preparatory papers that I circulated from those garnered at the Standing Cttee.  In addition to circulating all papers in the first place I print and take copies for all members who have forgotten to bring theirs, don’t check their email, or check but don’t print off the papers.

So 7th June I typed up my notes from the PCC and stashed them in a plastic wallet folder in the big file.  But wait.  The minutes I have stashed have to be signed – but they can’t be signed until the next meeting of the PCC when they have been read and approved.

Then sometime in the first week of July I have to circulate all members of the Standing Cttee with a reminder that the next meeting is coming up.

Then 11th July we have another Standing Ctte for the PCC meeting of 25th July (my birthday – what a treat that was!), send out agendas, prepare PCC agenda, gather papers, take notes, create minutes and get them approved, stashing everything from this meeting in a plastic wallet folder in the big file

Then on 18th July I circulate all members with the papers and a reminder that the PCC will be happening.

25th July is the PCC, and I must make sure to remember to get the minutes out of the plastic folder for the PCC of 6th June (which by now is 6 weeks and 3 meetings back) so that they can be signed when the PCC has approved them and then put back in the file.  Meanwhile the minutes from this meeting will be similarly checked and stashed but can’t be signed off until the meeting of the PCC taking place on 19th September after the Standing Cttee of the 5th September that precedes it.

Reminder & circulate, Standing Cttee, Get minutes checked, File all papers, Reminder & circulate, PCC,  Get last PCC minutes signed, Get new minutes checked, File all papers.  That’s the cycle.

I am just now preparing for my 4th PCC meeting, coming up on October 24th.  In so doing I got in a terrible panic.  I went through the file to check everything was in order, and it wasn’t.  The minutes I had for 23rd may and 6th June weren’t signed copies, the minutes for September 19th hadn’t been signed either, I only had a signature on the July 25th meeting, and some of the folders contained no supporting papers, and some of the papers seemed to have the wrong date for the meetings of the folders in which they were filed.  Gasp! 


Well, it took me about two and a half hours, but finally I understood. 

The previous secretary, handing over in the Spring, told me I had to have two files – a secretary’s one that I keep and a vestry file.  She said the present vestry file was full and I’d need a new one.  So I set all this up, got a file for the vestry and put in the signed copies of the first two PCC meetings (23rd May and 6th June).  I duly took it to the vestry and guess what – not only was the old file full but so was the drawer it lived in.  I asked someone what to do, and she said when she had been PCC secretary she didn’t bother stashing anything in the vestry, she just kept it at home until she passed it on.  So then I didn’t know what to do, and in July and September I just kept the minutes in my own file while I thought about it.  But the signed minutes for 23rd May and 6th June are in the file I made that I stashed in my in-tray in the vestry because there didn’t seem to be anywhere else to put it.  And the minutes for 19th September haven’t been signed because we haven’t had the next meeting yet – it’s on 24th October, and they will be signed then.  Relief!!

And the reason the papers seem to be in the wrong files is because a) the papers relating to the Standing Ctte relate to both the PCC they precede and (in some instances) the PCC they follow – and b) of course some ongoing issues and projects span several Standing Cttees and PCCs as they slowly progress.  And, some papers (like the Financial Account and the Fabric report) will be dated the month before the meeting where they will be presented – or even the month before that if the PCC is at the beginning of the month, because they will have been presented at the Standing Cttee occurring about two weeks before the PCC and will have had to be drawn up and sent to me in time to circulate the members of the Standing Cttee a week before it takes place.  So I hadn’t lost anything, and I just had to decide for myself where in the rhythm of the dance to insert the wodge of papers each time.

As I slowly got my head round this huge circulatory system, it dawned on me that the whole thing is a massive Endless Knot mandala weaving in and out and around the life and worship of St Johns, holding all things together, keeping continuity and accountability. 

Looking more deeply, and allowing panic and natural aversion to subside, I saw that it was beautiful.

I have sent for some earrings with Endless Knots carved in yak bone from Nepal, to put on as part of my mindfulness preparations for each meeting of the Standing Cttee and the PCC.  



Sunday, 16 October 2011

"The Hardest Thing To Do" book launch party

Well we had our launch party . . .

. . . it was really good fun!


dress code strictly medieval . . .


 . . . in keeping with a novel set in the fourteenth century . . .


The medieval music was superbulous!


Our church felt like just the right place to be . . .


Some of us were extra angelic for the occasion! ~


The Badger and I met through the Hawk & the Dove novels - he was my editor for the first edition in the UK back at the end of the 1980s!  So it felt like something had come full circle to be there together tonight . . .


Along with crusaders and admiring maidens . . .


Sir John de Walton and his fair ladye . . .


. . . various members of the aristocracy . . .


We had a fab story corner . . .






. . . for telling the story Who's the fool now? from The Hawk & the Dove trilogy to set the scene for The Hardest Thing To Do . . .




In fact I think overall you could say . . .


We had a good time!


Some more pics tomorrow!

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Mighty oaks from little acorns grow

Another superb post from Zen Habits, here.  Who would not need to read this, not need the encouragement and reminder it offers?

Thursday, 13 October 2011

For your inspiration and encouragement

I really like Leo Babauta's blog Zen Habits.


A couple of days ago he posted an entry entitled 7 Little Things That Make Life Effortless.  I've read it and been back to read it again once or twice.  It's one of those reminders that helps me re-orientate and set off again in the direction I was meant to be travelling in the first place.  Good Strengthening Medicine!

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Spinning on from yesterday

If you read my blog entry for yesterday and the comments following it, you might have noticed links from Roberta and AbiSomeone.


I followed them up and read them.  Roberta's links were to a blog called Naked Capitalism, which I found very interesting, and she mentioned two entries in particular but didn't link directly to them, so it took me a minute or two to track them down.  In case you didn't have the patience to do that, you can get to them directly here and and here.  I found the second article also spoke compellingly to some of my puzzlement about marketing and self-promotion, engendering thoughts about trusting community rather than narrow media channels.   AbiSomeone gave us a link to the Kruse Kronicle's post quoting at some length from a article by Bruce Wydick in Christianity Today.  You can read the full article here, and again I found it very helpful.  Alice Yaxley linked us to this article by James Kwak. In his helpful and thoughtful articl her links us to the 99% tumblr - which you can find here and which again provokes reflection indeed!  Paula sent me a link to this article in the Daily Bell, via Facebook, giving a different perspective again.  If you read up that lot I guarantee you will be better and more intelligently informed about OccupyWallStreet than most!


And finally: I thought you might also be encouraged and cheered, as I was, by this inspiring and intelligent video about Richard Heinberg's constructive approach to the times we live in, here.  I love it.  I could watch it over and over.  Does my heart good.  Way to go.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Wait . . . but . . .

There’s a couple of things I have been turning over and over in my mind without finding my way to clear understanding.

So I guess you are invited to make this blog post a clearness committee and shine your fog lights on in.

The two issues are ~
a) Occupying Wall Street
b) Promotion of published books

Here follow the conundra.

Wall Street
A few of my friends, and one in particular, posts faithfully on Facebook about the occupation of Wall Street and other cities.  From these posts and links I have learned about the astonishing number of people involved in this groundswell of public response to greed and corruption in the higher echelons of government and corporate life, and about the interesting and sometimes surprising nature of the police response – they have not always come out of this well.  In the UK too, a similar sense of dissatisfaction and dismay pervades our consciousness as we watch politicians, bankers and big businessmen continue to skim off the increasingly thin layer of cream from the society of which they are a part.

My own view from the watchtower on this issue began in the early 1980s when Christian prophets spoke urgently of things that made little sense at the time but a lot now – about collapse of banking and social systems and being prepared for that.  I took the prophecies to heart and responded in my own way by working as and when I could to ensure that I acquired a habit of living very simply and shedding as many debts as possible, with a view to safeguarding freedom and flexibility for myself and my family.  Alerted by the prophets, I watched; and what I believe I have seen is a steady overgrowth of the kingdom of Mammon spreading like a slime mould until it has become so extensive that it has started to choke the life out of our society.  Knowing that Jesus said one cannot serve God and Mammon, there is a straight choice, they are mutually exclusive, I perceive the solutions to be what in old-fashioned terms is called ‘repentance’ – an about-face away from self-indulgence, self-centredness and selfishness, towards service, helping each other and living the freedom life of Gospel simplicity (love-centred frugality), practising wise boundaries as well as peace and kindness.  The way out of the mess we’re in is simple and basic: sharing and helping the weakest must replace grabbing and getting.   As far as I know, there is no other way out: the symptoms are fiscal but the sickness is spiritual.

So I have sympathy with the Occupy Wall Street movement’s concerns.  I agree with them that there is a problem, and that as usual the poorest and weakest are hurting most while the most able and comfortable seek to feather their nests handsomely.

My puzzlement is that I cannot see how the Occupation of Wall Street is going to help.  What are its objectives?  What is the expected outcome?  How is it modelling a better alternative?  In one of the videos a post on Facebook linked to, I saw a man interviewed about how he had tried, in protest against banking corruption, to withdraw all his savings from the Bank of America, in company with a number of friends intent on the same thing.  Alarmed, the bank refused him and his friends entry, and the video followed predictable lines of polemic about being a free country and his money etc, etc. 

Suppose for a minute that the bank had allowed the man in, and he and his friends had withdrawn all their money.  Suppose, fired with enthusiasm, a significant proportion of the hordes on the street had followed suit.  Then what? 

The recent looting riots in English cities followed a similar puzzling pattern.  Those interviewed mainly said that they were sick of the corruption of the rich and powerful and wanted to demonstrate that they could do what they liked and no-one could stop them.   I heard of a cartoon in the wake of the riots that showed a couple of people going to the post office to draw their benefit money, then realising they wouldn’t be getting any because they’d burnt down the post office.

Surely the way to reform society is not to sit on the street and shout but to have a clear alternative plan and set about the slow, arduous task of implementing it.  The lifestyle of the Old Order Amish and Mennonites and of communities in monastic life could point the way for us.

So my first conundrum is that, while I agree our social habits have brought about our undoing, I fail to see how occupying Wall Street addresses the ills of our national and international life in the same way that I fail to see how shouting “YELLOW!” would answer the question of someone who asked “Which road will take me to the station?”

Can anybody shed further light?

Moving on

to

Promotion of published books
My literary agent has frequently impressed upon all of us whom he represents, that we the authors must take responsibility for the marketing and promotion of our own work.  Publishers commission or select, edit, evaluate likely success, prepare for publication, handle production, assist us in going through related formal and legal hoops, set in place some initial publicity – and then it’s over to us to build our platform, talk up our work, and generally get it out there.

Being essentially no good at this aspect of professional writing but moderately intelligent and keen to learn, I have watched and thought and watched some more – and I am getting more puzzled not less.

The accepted wisdom is that a writer must network without cessation – using every available avenue open to them – Facebook, Twitter, every writer’s page they can find, every blog they can haunt; whatever it takes to promote the product of their published work.  Get articles in as many magazines as possible, get on the radio, the TV – get heard, get seen, PROMOTE!

I am not great at this.  The perceived need for self-promotion was, I confess to you, my motive in starting this blog and in acquiring a Facebook page.  But as well as wishing to promote my cause as a writer, I am interested in you as a reader – and as a thinker and writer in your own turn.  I go on Facebook because I’m supposed to, as a published writer, but what I do there is try to promote the cause of goodness and truth, speak for the oppressed and forgotten, and be a good friend to the individuals I meet there.  On this blog I share with you my wondering and praying, my grief and joy and perplexity, offering you a window into my soul and my life.    But my conscience has been goaded by the urging of literary agents on the internet, who speak as one voice in advising us to network, network, network - use the free publicity of friends and acquaintances both wild and cultivated in the endless pursuit of self-promotion.

  
In faithfulness to my agent and publisher, I have to try to do better.  Doing my best at writing is not enough.  So I have looked carefully at the example of others who are able and successful at self-promotion, and what I have seen has left me profoundly puzzled. 

Writer A is in every magazine talking up the fact that she is a writer, reviewing other people’s writing and regaling us with the progress of her own.  She is admirable at putting herself about, but seems short of anything interesting to say.  As far as I can make out, she has not actually successfully completed her book.  But, by golly, when she has we shall know about it!

Writer B is a scribing veteran, author of a considerable body of work.  He posts mercilessly on every achievement, not waiting to win a prize to let us know he is on the short list, reporting every accolade (sometimes in duplicate).  A staunch friend to all fellow-writers, he is lavish in his praise for the work and achievements of any who seek his support.  So lavish, in fact, that when I see his opinion on someone’s work in print, I disregard it; it’s just another form of networking, harnessing the gratitude of other writers in the cause of self-promotion.  I began to frequent a writers’ page, thinking it might be an interesting place to be, but quickly ceased to go there; Writer B and those like him flooded it with self-promoting posts about their achievements until it became nothing but a column of small-ads, boring and wearing.  Each one stood up and shouted his wares until all that we had was cacophony, and nobody left to listen.

Writer C is a shrewd businessman.  He never appears online except to promote himself and his work.  I can’t tell you any more about him, because my initial interest evaporated.  I don’t really see myself as a punter, but he obviously does.

Writer D is a bit more canny.  She writes about her life as well as her books, she is endearing and funny and lively, and she takes the trouble to 'like' our comments on her Facebook posts.  But association with her is a one-way flow; she is there for self-promotion, and you can take it or leave it.  Increasingly, I leave it.

Writer E appears to be more relational still.  She offers many creative give-aways and writes in a very personal, intimate style, speaking of those who frequent her blog as a community, encouraging her readers to add her blog button to their blogs as they unite in the satisfying fellowship of . . . er . . . well . . . of promoting her, really . . .  She is not available for contact though; replies are not forthcoming.  I know this because, impressed by her success, I asked if we might seek a commendation from her for a book of mine.  My indefatigable publishers did what they could, but Writer E was too busy writing about how precious and valuable we all are to even take the time to turn us down.  Hey, who can blame her? A woman has only so many hours in one day - and self-promotion is very, very greedy of time.

20 years ago, before we all got so savvy about this, I wrote a trilogy of novels called The Hawk & the Dove. My US publisher, Crossway, kept it in print all these years.  This gave it the time it needed for word of mouth to promote it.  Even to the present day people are still discovering it for the first time.  Just while I was writing this blog post an email came in from a lady who wanted to thank me for writing it, because she had just discovered it, read it in 2 days, and it had blessed her.  If you look for reviews of it online, you will want to read it for yourself, because everyone says it’s a wonderful, amazing, life-changing series of books.  I would venture to suggest that this is because the right people read it.  I wrote it to try and express certain Gospel truths as best I could, and the Lord  in His goodness made the connections – it found its way into the right hands, where it could bring blessing and speak to hearts that needed what it had to offer.

This summer, the first of some novels continuing the series was published, The Hardest Thing To Do.   Twenty years is a long time, and marketing practice has changed a lot since the first trilogy came out.  This time the book has not been left to wend its way into the hands of readers.  My publisher is brilliant, and my publicist there has worked her socks off ensuring that it gets read and gets reviewed.   Crossway is every writer’s dream publisher, and the promotion they offer goes way beyond what most publishing houses offer.  Best of all I love the way they respect the text, seeing each manuscript as a book not as a product.   As a result, their catalogue reflects honest thought and real meaning – the works on their shelves are not shallow. But their support and hard work as publicists is just fantastic.  If you Google ‘The Hardest Thing To Do’, you’ll see what I mean.  They have got it out there beyond my wildest dreams.

So last night, I had a look at some reviews, and this gave me pause for thought.   Those who wanted to read the book – because it intrigued them or a friend recommended it or they knew the original series or had heard of it – really, really love it.  They find it powerful, transforming, satisfying.  If you look at the reviews on Amazon, which are placed by readers who felt moved to say something about it, you will come away thinking, ‘This must be a good book’.

But in the great wave of reviews there are also many readers who find it mediocre – dull, pointless, impossible to finish.   Of course, this will inevitably be so; there are even people who think Shakespeare is boring.  But it did make me stop and think.  I wondered, might it not have been better to let this grow the old, slow way?  To place it into the hands of those we knew would love it, and just wait for them to tell their friends, let work of mouth do the trick again?  Might it not be better to have a smaller body of overwhelmingly positive reviews than a larger body of mixed reviews?  Or doesn’t it matter what people are saying as long as they are saying something?

In the last few weeks I have been really struggling with this question of self-promotion.   I have some more novels planned to take the Hawk & the Dove series to ten volumes, if my publisher feels enough confidence in the series to travel that far with me, but I am not confident that I have the ability to promote as the modern market-place requires.  I feel a strong instinctive preference for the hidden way of doing what I believe I was sent here to do, walking honestly and quietly in a path of simplicity, giving the best of myself to the sowing and trusting the Lord for the harvest.

And, bearing in mind Ecclesiastes 9:10~ Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest ~ I want to apply myself to doing day by day, hour by hour, the work of God according to the light that is in me.  I would rather not turn my soul into a trampling stock-exchange of shouting voices.

This poem is what I mean.

I feel both nervous and ashamed about this – that I might be letting down my publisher and my agent.  Yet when I look at the tireless efforts of writers who work the social media to the max, their approach leaves me cold, and turns me off reading their work completely.

What to do?

So, friends – your wisdom and insight on the matters of occupying Wall Street and self-promotion of published work are sought and awaited.

AFTERTHOUGHT - my laptop wallpaper at the present time includes a quotation from James D Miles:
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him."

Sunday, 25 September 2011

In the house of Rimmon


I wonder if you remember the story of Naaman the Leper from the Old Testament of the Bible?  If you don’t, or you haven’t ever read it, it’s in 2 Kings 5, and you can read it here.

It’s a wonderful story, every twist and turn of it full of food for thought to keep your mind occupied on your desert island or alone in your monastic cell even better than algebraic equations or seeing how many words you can get out of antidisestablishmentarianism.  It’s a preacher’s story – you could run a 6 month’s team preach on it and still be going good.  A treasure trove of wisdom and wonder is the story of Naaman – the only difficulty is knowing which jewel to pick up first.

And in recent days it’s been returning very insistently to my mind.  That is to say, one particular verse has.  Naaman the Leper came from Aram.  He was not a Jew and he did not follow the Jewish religion.  But, through the ministry of the prophet Elisha, the God of Israel healed Naaman of his leprosy, and Naaman concluded that he had encountered the true God, and wanted to worship Him.  So he did, but he had this one lingering problem, which he expressed like this to Elisha:

But may the Lord forgive your servant for this one thing: When my master enters the temple of Rimmon to bow down and he is leaning on my arm and I bow there also— when I bow down in the temple of Rimmon, may the Lord forgive your servant for this. (2 Kings 5:18)

And Elisha responded, “Go in peace,” which I take as meaning, “Yes, that’s okay, Naaman.”  One wonders how many grisly martyrdoms might have been avoided if everyone had taken such a practical approach, but that’s not why the incident has kept returning to my mind.

I do very little these days that a person could convincingly describe as “ministry”, but I do have a small connection with an older lady, that causes my heart and mind some disquiet, because of the nature of our conversations.  She can be lonely and, though never demanding or intrusive, she looks forward to my visits.  But when the conversation goes as I want it to go – staying on safe territory, discussing topics of general interest, exchanging pleasantries and enjoying each other’s company – a kind of hungry vibe comes from her.  And she really comes alive, relaxes and enjoys herself when we can engage in one of the following topics of conversation:
  1.    Slagging off someone (anyone will do) we both know.
  2.  Comparing all the younger generation of the present day unfavourably with her own generation when young.
  3. Comparing her neighbours unfavourably with herself.

I find this very awkward.  Her political views – strongly held and deeply felt – are almost diametrically opposed to my own, and very often her conversation strays into areas which lead her to not only emphatically assert her own views but vigorously and contemptuously attack the views I hold; and she looks for my affirmation of her assertions.

Sometimes, she just wants to pour contempt on me.  For example, I recently made the error of confiding in her about a painful incident that had happened to me some while ago, when I was asked to stop attending a Christian study group because some of the members had complained about me to its leaders – not, they said when I apologised for giving any offense, because I had said or done anything wrong but because I was more knowledgeable about the subject than they felt comfortable with.  This is the kind of thing that happens to me so I wasn’t amazed – but it felt sad and embarrassing nonetheless.

My old lady, entering into the spirit of things with some zeal, said yes, she knew just what they meant!  Experts!  She said there had been girls like that when she was a girl at school – no cleverer than her, no better than her, but always so darned vocal about everything – know-it-alls!  Experts! Ha! Just exactly the same!  

Er . . . right . . .okay . . . 

You gotta laugh really, haven’t you?

Sometimes, the only way to tempt her off topic is to introduce another subject of conversation that will allow her to rip into some other poor soul and disembowel their character for a change.  Outrage and indignation looking for a nest like mother cuckoos desperate to deposit their eggs.  Someone is going to get pitched over the edge and it matters not who.

If I won’t play ball, if I stay silent, or stand up for whoever’s up for assassination today, or argue, things deteriorate badly.  We part barely friends, she is miserable and uncomfortable – and I am her main friend.  But if I let it happen – if I feed her fires of outrage and contempt with anecdotes of things or people that have upset me, or examples of the shortcomings of the modern world – she has a really nice time.

Friends, it is mighty difficult; and hear me – I do not come out of this well.  Nobody hears or sees our conversations; except Jesus.  He goes with me, and He listens and He watches, and I have more than half an idea He is no way impressed by the way I conduct myself as I duck and weave and try to salvage what I can of the wreckage of one character and lifestyle after another.  It feels like betrayal after betrayal, every visit.   But the circumstances are such that I must not sever the connection; it would be cruel.

And the story of Naaman in the house of Rimmon came back to me when I was thinking about it.  I know to whom my heart’s fealty is given, and what He expects of me.   But the circumstances of my life include this particular duty, which involves me being linked arm in arm with the worshipper of a different god.  And when that person bends from the upright, linked together, down I go too.

I ask His help, I ask Him to go with me, I try my very hardest with it, but I also have to say: “when I bow down in the temple of Rimmon, may the Lord forgive your servant for this.

And He says “Go in peace.”

It’s not just me that gets into this kind of bind.  As sour as bile in the mouth was the lingering after-taste of the execution of Troy Davis, that vile and heart-breaking cruel piece of work: and it left me wondering, how must Barack Obama feel?  For at the end, in desperation, the people appealed to him.  He had the power, you see, not to pardon, but to order a re-trial.  And from the White House there was only silence.  But from what I’ve seen so far of Barack Obama, I would guess that had circumstances been different he would have been out on the streets carrying a placard saying “I am Troy Davis”.  Don’t you think?

But he has a job to do, and his compatriots are not making the ride an easy one.  If he wants to do what he came into power to accomplish, for the poor and disenfranchised of America, he could not afford to blow all his credits on one act of mercy.  Much as Pontius Pilate could afford to do nothing but wash his hands of Jesus, Barack Obama was in the house of Rimmon fix.   Or maybe he didn’t even want to.  But I am hoping it was the Rimmon clinch that stood in his way.

May the Lord forgive Your servants for this one thing: When our masters enter the temple of Rimmon to bow down and they are leaning on our arms so that we have to bow there also— when we bow down in the temple of Rimmon, may the Lord forgive Your servants for this.

May God grant that in time we may find a better way of proceeding; but in the meantime, flawed and shamed as we are, how our souls hunger to hear His “Go in peace.”



Thursday, 22 September 2011

A numb day.

Trying to sort through the numbness and outrage of Troy Davis’s execution yesterday and find some peace about it all.

At first I was just overwhelmed with horror by what happened.

After the four-hours-plus stop on the execution made at five to seven (it was due to be carried out at seven), the Supreme Court set the process in motion again.  Strapped to the gurney ready for the lethal chemicals to be poured into his veins, Troy Davis was given an opportunity to speak his last words.

He spoke first to the representatives of the MacPhail family who had come to witness his execution.  He told them he was sorry for their loss, but that he wanted them to know he had not been responsible for Mark MacPhail’s death – he had not even had a gun with him on that night.  For their own sake and that of others he urged them to dig deeper and keep looking, because he was the wrong man.

Then he spoke to his family and friends, exhorting them to keep working, keep praying and keep the faith.

And he spoke last to those standing by ready to take his life, saying ‘God have mercy on your souls,’ and ‘God bless your souls’.  And then they put him to death.

I waited and watched until Democracy Now (whose Amy Goodman covered the occasion with such compassion and sensitivity) went off air, by then about 4.30am English time, and eventually managed to still my mind enough to grab a little sleep before the sun rose.

But when I woke again this morning, none of the turmoil had gone away.  I could hardly believe what we had witnessed.  Particularly my mind balked at the idea that we have constructed a human community in which a man in the prime of life should be taken away, despite the conviction of hundreds and thousands of us watching that his guilt had by no means been proven beyond doubt, and that all of us should be required to sit nicely and be good, causing no trouble while someone dripped poison into his veins until he died.  What?   It seemed intensely oppressive and cruel.

But as I thought on it a different perspective came to mind, and I realised that what I had been watching was not people cowed and obedient, but people dignified and free.  This is what non-violent protest is.  These people were not intimidated, but sure in their cause and conviction and unswerving in their quiet determination.  I think it was Ben Jealous who said last night that this will not go away; this will not end here – this is the beginning.  Christians certainly understand how that works.

But my main emotion through this beautiful autumn day has been terrible aching sadness.  As I felt the soft breeze in my hair and smelled the garden herbs and delighted in the sunshine, it hurt like a wound in me that these simple wonders of life should have been denied Troy Davis, not only finally last night, but for so long.

There's night and day, brother, both sweet things; sun, moon, and stars, brother, all sweet things; there's likewise a wind on the heath. Life is very sweet, brother; who would wish to die? (George Lavengro)

I think Troy must have been twenty years old when he went to prison for the crime that with his last breath he continued to insist he did not commit.  For twenty-two years he has lived without the wonderful freedoms that make life so sweet.  Between us, we threw a life away.

Sitting here in bed at the end of the day, in the lamplight, listening to the owls calling in the garden, or hanging out the washing to dry in the warm breeze, or sitting by the ocean on a summer day, walking through the woods in the Fall,  I shall think of Troy Davis, and how we took that away from him, when life was neither ours to give nor to take away. 

Some things affect you so profoundly that they get into the very core of you and change the points, make the way you see things different forever.  I felt that happening as I sat in vigil last night, keeping watch through the English night with the silent crowd in Georgia, holding their candles as they stood behind the rank of riot police, or huddled together in prayer in the group of family and friends just outside the prison – felt the seismic shift in my soul connecting to a deep place in all humanity.  As people around the world stood in solidarity, watching, praying . . . hoping with sudden wild possibility . . . then stunned and grieving . . . I knew that life would never be the same again.  History will be different because more than a million people begged for clemency, and the public servants used the trust vested in them to say “No.”

I shall not forget that night.  Never.  I am not the kind of person who forgets.  In time the wound in my soul will silver to a scar, but it will always be there – because, as the campaigners said, you are – we are – I am Troy Davis.  Every single one of us.  Even Annaliese Macphail, who said “I think I finally will have peace of mind. When it is over I can close that book and I know Mark can rest in peace, too.”

I wonder.  The world is not the same as it was yesterday afternoon.