We
walked to the end of the quiet street, came to the busy road and saw,
painted on the tarmac at the edge of the crossing, the caution: LOOK BOTH WAYS.
“Can you actually do that?” I asked, and it made us laugh as we considered the
possibility of trying to look both ways. I think maybe some animals’ eyes look
both ways.
Like
the god Janus with a face front and back of his head. That’s why they called
January after him, first month of the Roman calendar. Poised on the threshold
of the new year, looking back on the old, contemplating the new, like us at the
crossing for a moment you look both ways. Then you step out.
Thinking about looking
both ways joined on to some thoughts passing through my mind about how freedom
and security are two sides of one coin. They can seem like opposites at first –
as though the person who loved freedom would be quite different in temperament
from the one who loved security. ‘Security’ has associations with guards and
imprisonment for us; not freedom, certainly. But they do belong to each other.
The
insecure person is driven by doubts and anxieties. Those act like adhesions
inside the soul, creating painful pulls and tugs and stuckness. The one who
relies on the approval of others, who follows the herd, who tags along with
those who are admired, influential, ‘successful’, rich – hoping some of the
shine will rub off, wanting to be the same. The one who candidates on ‘X
Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, hoping to build a career out of being noticed, humbly
waiting for the verdict of the judges. Grateful for the opportunity, gushing
‘this means everything to me, this means the world to me, this is the biggest
thing in my life.’ Waiting in anguish to know if they are chosen or rejected.
For
countless children life is like that. Trained by the judicious application of
isolation, punishment, disapproval and rejection – conditional love – so they
learn to please and to follow, to second-guess, to read the parent’s mood. This
is how you grow a jealous and contemptuous adult, this is how you foster habits of scorn and criticism, and a culture of blame. This is how the ethics of not-being-found-out
are shaped, and a society forms in which the laws protect corporations against
individuals and the poor are castigated for the dodges expected of the rich.
But
security, inner emotional security grown from unconditional love and simple
acceptance, produces freedom. The free child feels secure in himself. The
secure individual does not suffer from the weary burden of endlessly watching
for crumbs to fall, waiting on the permission of others to come, to go, what to
do, who to be.
Self-indulgence
is not freedom. Freedom is not irresponsibility. The secure person is free to
love, where the insecure knows only of attachments and transactions, not really
understanding the peace and simplicity of love.
I
like watching quiz shows on the telly, and often marvel at the numbers of
people who, asked what will they do with the prize money of thousands of
pounds, say they will buy a car (depreciating asset), go on holiday, or throw a
massive party. Nooooooo! Don’t let it run into the sand! Think of something
purposeful, something to seed the new. Put it towards the freedom that creates
security or the security that creates freedom. Money is for conferring hope.
In
managing money, opportunity, relationships, there are thresholds, crossings. And
on the road is painted LOOK BOTH WAYS. The cautious traveller pauses – Freedom?
Check. Security? Check – before proceeding.
