Friday, 18 November 2011

Man Traps

So I have been listening to beautiful songs on YouTube . . . songs that move me . . . this . . . and this . . . and this . . .

Can you tell (?), I do like a quiet furry voice, a thinking mind, and a certain quality of almost painful gentleness - er . . . tenderness I guess it's called.

But, oh, glory! With the songs come (sigh) the adverts.  One that comes up repeatedly for a site that promises to teach women how to catch and keep men.  Promises to show them the ten things they are doing wrong that make men want to pull away, and how to modify their behaviour so they can (presumably) trap the men and keep them prisoner forever.

Why would you want to do that?  What is love, if it is not free?  I like men.  I love the man I am married to.  But I have no desire to keep him in a cage, tied to me by promises, manipulation and fascination.  Even the thought makes me tired.  What he is, I love.  What I am, I am.   

Something I read years ago . . . when I was about 18 . . . I jotted it down somewhere . . . from Anthony Padovano’s book Free To Be Faithful . . . just a minute . . . Yes, here it is:
The woman who abides at the side of her husband because everywhere else she is homeless is a woman who has given not compliance but freedom.

Same applies to men.  At a time when many followers began to fall away disillusioned (a lot of people prefer illusions), Jesus said to his friends “Would you like to go too?”  Peter (I love his candour.  Not a flatterer!) answered Jesus: “Lord – to whom should we go?”  This happens, I have felt it for myself; it is as if there were no other place in the whole universe to be but this.  Well, not ‘as if’, even: there actually is nowhere but this place, this person, this situation: God’s gift to us of the present moment has about it a kind of imperative, which once we recognise it makes contentment possible in the most surprising of circumstances.


10 comments:

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

I really like this post. I love my husband, warts and all as they say. He loves me so much that when my bi polar really reared it's ugly head, he went to counseling to learn how to help me and for his own piece of mind. It's not being imprisoned that would do that, it's love/

Ganeida said...

Love, love, love Leonard Cohen. Used to listen to him late at night while scrabbling to finish essays due the next morning! ☺ We used to say it was *music to slit your wrists to!* He's a poet so his lyrics are always wonderful too!

Fourwheeler said...

I - you said, "But I have no desire to keep him in a cage, tied to me by promises, manipulation and fascination. Even the thought makes me tired. What he is, I love. What I am, I am." - How I wish that more of the women I have known were of that opinion!

II - you said, "makes contentment possible in the most surprising of circumstances." - I must be maturing at last... I can even find this in traffic jams!

Ember said...

Michelle - hi, lovely to hear from you! I miss seeing you on Facebook - hope all is well with you and Jack x

Hey, Ganeida - yes I sometimes wonder if Leonard Cohen actually perceived his songs as being as miserable as everyone else thought they were . . .

Fourwheeler - hi! Traffic jams, eh? You must have truly mastered the art of contentment!

Julie B. said...

"But I have no desire to keep him in a cage, tied to me by promises, manipulation and fascination."

I know this was a serious comment, but the thought that I would have to work to tie Michael to our marriage by *especially* fascination, made me giggle.

Those would be very weak and loose ties, indeed. :p

Good post too, Ember. :)

Ember said...

:0D
Yeah, why bother snake-charming when a nice stout rope will do the job . . .

Linda said...

I am guilty of buying that e-book. Basically he says that men like women who are in control of their emotions, I guess they want the best lol. It is not as easy to dismiss as other non Christian stuff I have read. Because the man actually says that once the women sleep with men that the men don't have time to fall in love with them, too much confusion. Interestingly there is another American book I bought, that says the same thing. They are trying to stop women having premarital sex because it doesn't seem to be working. That particular one wants them to get standards! Interesting. But I get your point.

I really like what you said at the end, very meaningful, thank you.

I also am reminded of something I read in the comments of a youtube video from Christian singer Brooke Fraser. Something about rushing. Basically both people should allow time for the other to fall in love with them. Not rushing. So it is all down to old-fashioned courtship.

Ember said...

How interesting, Linda! And encouraging! x

Christian writer said...

Hi there
I liked this post, it was very good. Made me think. Being in the 'now' is so important. Savour the moment. Life is too short to do anything else! And love is free...
Sheila

Ember said...

Hey, Sheila! Nice to meet you!

:0)