Monday 7 September 2015

Words failing me

Today on Facebook a friend posted this beautiful quotation:

"Flee for a while from your tasks, hide yourself for a little space from the turmoil of your thoughts. Come, cast aside your burdensome cares, and put aside your laborious pursuits. For a little while give your time to God, and rest in him for a little while. Enter into the inner chamber of your mind, shut out all things save God and whatever may aid you in seeking God; and having barred the door of your chamber, seek him."
                                 ~ Anselm of Canterbury

Monks (and, perhaps to a lesser extent, nuns) often write thus about silence and seclusion, encouraging people to, as William Penn put it, ‘live retiredly’. More and more it speaks to me.

It’s not meant to be a way of leisure and idleness, of course. For one thing there are many chores to be done – washing, sweeping, cooking, gardening; generally setting the house in order. And there is the community to attend to, whatever that may mean in any one individual’s circumstances. Being present when people are gathered. Being free and willing to help with whatever supports and encourages them. In the case of our household, that can mean taking time around a meal table to talk through issues that interest, perplex or challenge one or some of us. Or bringing someone else’s laundry in if it comes on to rain, or volunteering to cook the supper or wash the dishes, or be part of the expedition to the store to get the Friday groceries. Or clean the bathroom. Taking care of the fabric of life in such ways is also how we care for each other. 

And beyond the household, the wider family, then whatever responsibilities sit right with my own gifts/graces/obligations to the household of God in the church, and to the community. This week, for me, that means Sunday worship, preparing a seminar talk and a Quiet Day, attending the Local Preachers’ meeting; also selecting things I think I could easily do without to give away on Freegle, or donate to the hospice charity shop.

And then there is the tending to the wellbeing of creation, in my case no more than sending permaculture messages along the jungle drums, being part of maintaining the wildlife garden we have made here, feeding the foxes, the badgers and the crows, and living in ways of simplicity that tread a fraction more lightly on the Earth.

But in all this, which is the outworking of my faith, I am conscious that words come into it relatively little. I get the impression that most writers thrive on books and reading, but not me. I do read, and I research, but it is increasingly the case that words don’t really do it for me. I prefer silence, and thinking. I know I am in the presence of God, but it becomes artificial when I import words out of a sense of duty.

Thinking about it today, I realized how weighty is the portion given to words in the common practice of the Christian faith. So much emphasis is placed on sermons, prayers, Bible reading, meetings held together by a tissue of liturgy, creeds, doctrinal formulae … Beyond that – chatting, phone calls, social calls …

As though the substance of faith were the application of an unremitting diligence of words.

For me, this has become dry and weary. My life feels the lifeblood of God pulsing along its veins – but in firelight, in early dew, in bird flight, in cloud banks, in the eyes of a child. Not in words.

I didn’t expect it would become so. My faith lives and thrives, but would prefer to be expressed in silence.



17 comments:

Terra said...

Hark! That may be a halo I see.

Pen Wilcock said...

I think it might. I was hoping so …

xx

rebecca said...

Yes, I'm sure it IS (a halo).
Speaking of "words failing me".....this describes my prayer life. I find myself woefully incapable of expressing myself in verbal prayers lately. I stumble. I grasp for "proper" words. I ramble and garble. I can't collect my thoughts or express them in an "organized" manner. It's very humbling.

Pen Wilcock said...

:0)

But then, when we sit with our close friends, the silence is comfortable and we can simply break it as necessary things come to mind. xx

Amy said...

I am so thankful to have found this little blog community...for I find more times than not... I'm in like minded company. Xo

Pen Wilcock said...

Community - yes, that's what it feels like to me, too.

xx

gail said...

Beautiful words Pen and something to think quietly about. I too find joy and peace in the beauty I see in God's creation. It's never showy but very pleasant to the eye, although on thinking again He can be pretty showy with some of the thunderstorms that roll in over the ocean here.
I think you look very serene in that pic.
Blessings Gail.

Pen Wilcock said...

:0)

xx

Deborah said...

You know it's not really a bathroom selfie unless you are in your bra and knickers or your yoga pants?!!

It's a lovely photo of you though :-D

Pen Wilcock said...

Aaaahh! Is THAT how it's done? Next time …

xx

Heidi said...

I love words on so many levels, but they can easily tire me as well, both hearing and saying them. It might me an Asperger thing, though I read Fr. Martin Laird said this kind of word tiredness is quite common among contemplatives.

Pen Wilcock said...

Yes - as our twins used to say when they were little, "So at me". I value words and they nourish me, but only given a context, a hinterland, of spacious and abundant silence. It reminds me of the relationship of Joseph, husband of Mary, passing through the whole Gospel story without uttering a single word; foster father of Jesus the incarnate Word. That's how it is in all of us: silence fosters the living word.

xx

MaryR said...

What a beautiful, rather peaceful, picture! A selfie of distinction!! *grins*

Oh, I know what you mean. I love the written word and devour books - but with God I find the only way to be with Him is in silence. I sit and I wait.... If I use words, my mind wanders. Do you know Madeleine L'Engle's short poem bout prayer? If you don't, I'll send it ss I think it might speak to you.

I love the quotation and have written in my quote book - of which I now have many.

Pen Wilcock said...

This one?

"I, who live by words, am wordless when
I try my words in prayer. All language turns
To silence. Prayer will take my words and then
Reveal their emptiness. The stilled voice learns
To hold its peace, to listen with the heart
To silence that is joy, is adoration.
The self is shattered, all words torn apart
In this strange patterned time of contemplation
That, in time, breaks time, breaks words, breaks me,
And then, in silence, leaves me healed and mended.
I leave, returned to language, for I see
Through words, even when all words are ended."

I did not know it - thank you for pointing me in her direction - isn't it beautiful?

xx

Sandra Ann said...

I love this comment about St Joseph and how silence fosters the living word xx

Pen Wilcock said...

:0)

xx

Pen Wilcock said...

Emilio! Hello - and thank you for your kind comment :0)