"End of Diversion"

I am learning what you know and I know, that accumulation of possessions, like over-eating, is associated with loneliness and sadness.

Tonight, for example, I felt lonely.  I argued with myself a little while, pointing out to myself that conversations of length, especially in the evening, often spiral down through weariness, like a whirling bract, into treacherous and negative territory – complaining, picking holes, sifting through the faults of others.  I reminded myself that when those you miss are present, they are usually immersed in electronic pursuits – online or watching telly.  And most often, I have nothing to say; just a blind, dumb searching for companionship.  I just felt lonely.

So what did I do, brothers and sisters?  Call a friend? Visit a neighbour?  Flush out the other members of the household and instigate a game of cards?  No.  I almost bought a fountain pen.  What?  Why?  No idea.  I have had a fountain pen before, a jolly good one.  I gave it away.   Evidence of incremental improvement lies in that crucial word “almost”.  Tonight I almost bought a fountain pen, because I was lonely.  For most of my life, I would have just done it.

So as I didn’t buy the fountain pen I thought I might have some cake.

I have eaten my supper.  I am not hungry.  But cake is cheerfulness, and if you ingest cheerfulness you become cheerful, according to my intuitive logic; no matter that the Buddha knows that if you take refuge in fat then, as sure as day follows night, fat will take refuge in you.

So having neither bought a fountain pen nor eaten any more cake, I am left feeling sad and lonely and a little insecure.


My whole life long I have bought things and eaten things to distract me from sadness and loneliness, but there comes a time to stop.

 And then I will be just a person, alive like the sparrows and the windflowers, singing my own song and turning my face to the sun while life lasts.

I have no previous experience to suggest what my alternatives to eating things and buying things, as distraction from unwelcome states of mind, might be.  Today I have done some gardening, filled the day with the usual household chores, walked by the sea and it the park, spent time with my family, read my book.  And having run out of these diversions as the evening comes down, there is only the sadness and loneliness left.

I expect I shall feel better in the morning.


Oh - incidentally - I have been pruning out the links and info in the right-hand side-bar here.  If you see that your blog has been amputated from the list by my over-zealous secateurs, emit a faint squawk and I'll put it back.

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365 366 Day 144 – Wednesday May 23^rd   

Just in case, we kept these cat collars from the vet.  But, as the Bible says, “Come, let us reason together.”

After all, what for?  We live in the same road as the vet, two minutes walk away. If the cat gets sick or injured, what will we do?  Take it to the vet.  If it needs a cat collar, what will the vet do?  Ask if we have one at home?  No.  Supply a new one. Result?  A steadily increasing hoard of used cat collars. 

So, let’s maybe allow these ones out of the house.